I Want

I'm feeling quite strange today... I ate some granola, nuts, cranberries, and pickles earlier. I think everything totaled to about 350 calories. I'm not very worried about that, although I would like to keep my intake under 200 calories a day. Yesterday was about the same. I think I just need to fill up on water constantly so that I don't even feel hungry to begin with. Then I won't have problems with the cravings.


I fooled my mum into believing that I also had cereal, and I'm going to tell her that I ate something while she was away shopping (which she is doing now). I'll probably tell her that I had some peanut butter or something else with a lot of fat.


I've found that if I'm lounging around the house all day (which is bad...) in exercise clothes, I'm more likely to get up and do something physical (jumping jacks, run in place, sit-ups, push-ups) than when I lounge around in my pajamas (in which case I just lie around and eat all day - ew). But I think if I would lounge around in normal street clothes, I wouldn't do anything at all. So exercise clothes it is.


I'm please with how I must cycle to work every day I work (almost every day) because the ride there is a bit difficult and I always rush myself and push myself as hard as I can go. I think I might lengthen the rides from 30 minutes to 45-60 minutes or tell my mother that I get off work later or something so that I can continue working out and come home later, therefore avoiding food for that much longer.


Lately I've been watching a lot of this show called Supersize VS Superskinny. And I'm not exactly sure why, maybe it's the morbidly obese people shoving their faces that grosses me out, but watching it makes me want to never eat again. So I think I'll continue watching that show. I just have to make sure that my parents don't see what I watch, because they will begin to suspect something. I think my mother already does. My parents aren't complete idiots. I thought I was doing a very nice job of hiding things, but I must be more careful, or my relationship with Ana is going to come to a horrid, horrid end.... that would make me so sad.


Ana and I are starting to get into the hang of things. :) She's so great. <3


My goal is to be 115 lbs. by the time school starts back up again in the fall (August 27th). I think I can do it, but I know I have to stay really focused. I want to go back to school and show everyone how skinny I am. I want them to whisper behind my back about it. I want to hear someone comment on how good I look or how much weight I've lost. I want them to be jealous of me, instead of me being jealous of them. I want to be the new skinny girl in class. I want to be set free with Ana.


I will be set free with Ana.








Miss Madeline Fogg